I've thought about it little over these summer holidays, but im just about to enter the biggest schooling year of my life. How scary is THAT! I know ill get through it, with the help of friends and teachers, but i was thinking, not moments ago, that all that could change in a drop of the hat. With the way my group will be this year, ill be quite impressed if they actually stay as one (ie all sitting together and all that shizzat) I hope they do, because as much as i may bust on her sometimes i do love Milla, and she will always have a place in my heart, and then theres Hannah who i always LOVE talking to. She always knows a way to make me smile, and even though shes sometimes annoyingly shy and quiet, thats one of the main reasons i love her, we can just sit there and be silent, look at one another, then start laughing for no reason. Ellen, i dont know if she'll sit with us as much, but who knows! I know ill have Adam and Nick by my side (hopefully Brenden wont ditch the group taking them with him)
Im still so confused as to how Brenden feels towards me. I know there are none of 'those feelings' anymore, and im over that, but i'd still like to know if he plans trying to talk to me or if its just going to awkward between us, until i get impatient and say something embaressing (which i would really rather avoid!) Im still not sure how i will react to being in his company again. I know ill be nervous, but the fact im going to have to see the person who broke my heart is a pretty hard thing. And i still cant decide how i feel about him, do i still count him as my friend? Or will i treat him how i treat Cam (ignoring him because i dont want to talk to him) Thats just something ill probably have to figure out in a space of like 10 seconds, when i get to school on monday =S. Luckily Tash and I will be walking to school, so we can have a long talk =)
Also know i will DIE, if Adam, Nick and Brenden ditch to do their own thing, yes ill have Liz, but i've learnt to have an audience. I know that sounds so conceited, but its just how i am an have learnt to be (or pretend to be, as said in my last post) I need those two boys. I never really realised how much i loved talking to Adam everyday, and now since he's been away i've really realised how much i needed him in this time of sadness and heart break. And Nick, he's been my friend since year 7, when i was basically rejected by the girls in my class and bullied. He was there for me in one of the hardest parts of my life. In a way we are like brother and sister, but the thing is i sometimes feel like i can tell him anything and everything (well not everything, but who do i tell that too =P) With out Nick or Adam i would feel completly LOST!
Apart from my worry of how my social status will go, im also stressing about this fucking English home work, which i truely do NOT understand. I remember the days when i was an ace in English and got like As all the time! But no, since coming into English, halfway through the year last year and then really not concentrating in class because Ms. Minear couldnt control the class really fucked me up.
But also im thinking of the amount of pressure thats put on me this year to succeed =(
Also theres work to balcance on top of all THAT lovely stress. I should be ok at work, i just have to learn to concentrate more and try harder, not just try and swing by......
ANYWAY.............i am quite enjoying The Catcher in the Rye, its quite a good read, even though i find the main character to be up himself! I like it alot, i understand now why Paul tells everyone to read it =) I still havet to find The Kite Runner which Mum bought at the 2007 2nd hand book sale, for her to read. I also still have the majority of my Lit books to start.....I decided i'd read the first 5 chapters of each and that would be sufficiant enough!
Oh on another note, my diet is horrible! I hardly eat anymore, for a few days i only at what mum prepared me and junkfood. Now its mostly, i miss breakfast (unless i have work then i have a jaffel *if i can get it down!* or toast) have a late lunch (or brunch if i actually eat at like 1 or 2) and then i have the dinner mum prepares for me. Im going to try and eat some proper food, but its just so hard, Iopu put it perfectly, im the original CBF girl......
That enough of my rant though, its a bit too hot up here.... xoxo
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